Bookcub

Now

Fri, 12 Apr 2002 20:05:44 GMT

Now after sleeping like 9 hours. I am so sore. sore I tell you. My body hurts from the little toes on my feet to the big funky hair on my head. And get this. I writing this right before I have to work. ouch.

Gay pride this weekend. I just get more and more excited. BUT I just read something that I want all homosexuals to know for this weekend:

This week end don't be ?I am gay and proud of it? but rather ?I am a person, a person like every other, and I am proud to be that person?.that person who happens to be gay.'
Written by taketothesky (<- that is his LJ name)

Okay things i need for this weekend:
3 bottles of H2O
sun screen (Carl burns easy)
book for the boreing moments
change of clothes (You never know what is going to happen)
Pen and notepad (digites might come my way)
Condoms (You never know)

Damn it

Fri, 12 Apr 2002 19:55:20 GMT

Sorry to all that I posted like sixty thousand times yesterday.

YUM

Fri, 12 Apr 2002 00:11:02 GMT

Okay now that the whole work thing is over. And I toke off my work clothes and I toke a shower to wash off work dirt I fell I can stop talking about work.

SOOOOOOOOO this weekend is gay pride weekend. For us in PHX anyways.
I am excited now to go. I only have to work like two hours on Saturday and none on Sunday. So its Party At Gay Pride. I hope that Ron gets an Ogry going because I am damn horny. If that does not happen then its to the bath house. I WILL HAVE A GOOD TIME. I am not going to let my stupid self think other wise. That is what has happened in the past. I let my self that I won't have any fun, so I don't. We'll this will be different. I will have FUN. Either by just looking at guys, kissing the guys (I hope so), or by fucking the guys (God help me in my indever). It will be a good day..

I also get to meet Rons friend this weekend. I meet him a couple of times before but things have changed. A year goes by and things all ways change. ALLWAYS CHANGE.

So I will try to keep you all up dated in this weekends excitment...

You have a cheery weekend too.

YUM

Fri, 12 Apr 2002 00:10:43 GMT

YUM

Fri, 12 Apr 2002 00:10:29 GMT

Food!!

Fri, 12 Apr 2002 00:09:03 GMT

I never

Thu, 11 Apr 2002 20:13:01 GMT

Well Its been an intersting last couple of days. I have worked more hours and done more stuff, with cleaning, and making things organized in my whole life. I thought that for sure that we would not pass. But me being super Carl I pushed it to the back of my mind and tried my hardest anyways. WE PASSED.. Okay I will say it again. WE PASSED. Okay at this point you are asking me, passed what? Well I tell you. I work for Chevron (for those of you who have not token a gander at my member info), Each year we have to go though an insecpection. This is not hey this looks good, but a full, I wear white gloves and put my hand up into that little hole wear the gas pump hangs, and I put my nose in every trash can to make sure it smelt like cleaner than trash, and check evry crany of the bathrooms for dust, dirt and piss stains. And everything is put on to a percentail, and guess what you have to pass with a 95 % or better. Thats right a perfect fucking score. If we didn't pass we would have one more month to pass if we did not pass the second time My boss would be fired and I would be fired, And every employee at the store had to be retrained on how to clean.....
But we passed.. thank god.. And we passed with a fucking 99.5%
(I missed a small part on one of the handles)

WE FUCKING PASSED.....

I feel good... But I will do a list of I never to top it off..

I have never had my feet hurt this bad.
I have never been this tired in my life.
I have never screwed with my sleep for work. (Its a lie, but hey)
I have never felt so good in all my life.
I have never been so glad to be this tired.
I have never had such a good feeling when I felt so bad this mourning.

A day for thought.

Mon, 08 Apr 2002 23:50:49 GMT

Last night My Cass and I had a conversation that I was very frightened to have. But now I am glad that it was done.

I am sitting at the library right now trying to get all sounds and people out of my view. I feel very.......... interested ..........

Interested you say.. that because I am very interested with just my self. I have become very self indulged lately. Like Co-workers will tell me something and the first thing that pops into mind "Does this affect me what so every?" If it does then I listen if it doesn't then in one ear then out the other.

I sound like an ego-central son of a bitch. But at least I am trying to get things done in my life. Trying to get from one point to the next with at least hurt and pain as possible. Is that so bad?

So today I woke about 2:00pm and believe me that is late for me. and as I woke I laid there in bed thinking about things and I got to thinking about that cemetery down the street from me. I have been really thinking about going there to say Hi to all the died people. (Sounds so bad) To walk around and just see who is there.. Wonder why they are there.. THem i toke a shower and came here to the library. Is that the saddest thing you ever have heard.

For some reason I am really pumped about going to Martini Mondays with my friend Ron (phoenixboy). I don't know why.. And Ron would kill me if he knew what I was wearing.. I am even thinking about getting my nails done... (thats a thought)

Its Gay pride this weekend.. I friends have decided to make me go.. Hey i just might meet some ass hole.. FUN

Then its off to Work. I Work Graveyard for the next three night.. And believe me I need it.. I need to be away from employees, customers, bosses, and all the other stupid people that make my life hard. I get to clean the Car wash. Thats four hours of JUST CLEANING.. FUN FUN

Dateline.. Male PMS?

Mon, 08 Apr 2002 01:22:58 GMT

Is there male PMS? There has been a couple of surveys about it. That men actually do have PMS, it just is not as nearly as bad as woman. So does this mean that men go through menopause? Maybe thats that whole mid-life crisis thing.

You are all thinking what the hell is he getting to? Well I feel like I am on a permanent PMS cycle. Bitchy, edgy, cranky, Nothing is right, Every thing is wrong, and I just feel like shit. Should I worry? Should I care? I don't know. Suggestions please. Help me get out of this cycle.

ON to better news.. Next weekend is GAY PRIDE DAY. I don't know if I should go. With all the trouble that I have been having with men lately. My insecurities, I work, I have no money to spend, and I just don't think that it is the right thing to do. All my friends say I should go. I wonder what my therpist would say?? Suggestions???

Okay leaving it at that...

Never again

Sat, 06 Apr 2002 22:11:30 GMT

I just got off of work. And I had both my employees Call of.. Lets says. FUCK ME SIDE WAYS. I did not move from a register for seven hours. Luckly my graveyarder stayed so that i could do the paperwork.. I am going to go sleep.. I hope this day never comes again..

HMM.. today is going to be....

Fri, 05 Apr 2002 22:07:10 GMT

Well I just got off of work and I am sitting here at the Mesa Public library. Lately it has been where I spend my internet time. (Funny now that it actually is timed, hmm) Alot has happened in the last couple of days. I had an old coworker contact me and ask me to a job thingy. I was free so I went. And Its like a job but not really. I don't understand it. You help people get out of debt. And you make money. But the person that supported you and taught you gets money also. I just don't understand..

On to different things. MY ROOMMATE is really scary. I found him passed out in his underwear by the coffee table last night. I looked at him and then went up stairs and locked my door. I do know that he drinks alot. I don't. I sleep alot. He doesn't.. He actually asked if I was okay for the fact i sleep so much. I just explained to him that it was the medicane that I am taking.

Enough stupid shit. I have felt very lonely lately. even though I am around people all the time. And its not that I am lonely in my heart because I know I don't need a relationship to survive.(Even though it would be nice.) I don't know.. Maybe I feel lonely in spirit. Oh well.

(There is a really cute guy helping out in the library, yum)(Brett tech support, yum)

Well tomorrow is a different day.. IS it going to be better??? Maybe I should try to talk to Brett... nay. I got to much to do this next week.. GO CHEVERON..

HI

Tue, 02 Apr 2002 00:58:40 GMT

Well I know that it has been a while scince I even touched this thing I thought I would get back into it. At least once a week.

OKAY UPDATE ON MY LIFE..(Some of you may know this shit)
1) I was going to move back in with my parents. My parents did not want me. So I had to move and find a place ASAP. Because I was not welcome at the place I was staying anymore. But that is all okay. I found a place useing the AZ guide for gueers, "The ECHO". I moved in last wednesday. My roommate is really kinda cool. He leaves me alone for the most part. So I am still here.. Sorry to all those who where happy to see me leave.
2) Still Boyfriend less. This is a good thing. A most very good thing. I seem to screw up every relationship I have ever been in. And I can't use the excuse that nobody wanted me. I think its because I am scared as hell to be with someone. I have been independent all my life (for the most part). I am having trouble keeping my friends, let alone a boyfriend. And the how sex thing is really over ratted. I have been to the sex clubs and the bath houses, still want to try an orgy. I need something that is going to empact my life. Sad as that sounds, but right now thats what I need.
3)I am doing the whole poetry thing a lot lately. And to night I am even hosting it. And its all My sissy fault (Thanks Cassidy, Love you girl). Its like a release. All the feelings of hatred and pettyness that flows through the air at ever moment of every day. I have been needing this release. Its Great.
4) Therpy is going okay.. You know its therepy.. hehehehe. (Thats right I am talking about you guys to a women who has no clue who you are.)

Well have fun.. Love you all..

Carl

hi and good bye

Sun, 10 Feb 2002 23:01:35 GMT

Just if you guys have not noticed I am no longer writting in this, you won der why? I no longer have internet access. Oh well. Things are okay.. if you are curious.. Love you all.

h?

Mon, 24 Dec 2001 20:31:41 GMT

Happy Holidays to all.. and a bah humb bug to...

closure rocks my world

Tue, 11 Dec 2001 22:36:29 GMT

It has been crazy these last couple of days. With Christmas coming and everything. I finished a lot of things that I have been worrid about. Closure Rocks. I fell better now than I did when I was born. I feel good all around.. I am going to be moving into an apartment at the end of the month. starting all over again. I love doing it. And I have a lot of support. If it wheren't for those people out there, I don't know where I would be..

Thanks everyone..

closure rocks my world

Tue, 11 Dec 2001 22:35:41 GMT

closure rocks my world

Tue, 11 Dec 2001 22:34:40 GMT

living vicariously through me...

Thu, 06 Dec 2001 06:09:44 GMT

carl is at work and has asked me to post for him.

and becasue im such a good little sister i shall.

anyway, yes, carl is at work with a cute little straight boy he is swooning over. troubles much? i think so. so yes, carl must brave night shift at chevron in the cold with tempttation nearby. im sure he'll be okay.

im not so good at this vicarious venting thing, so i leave you all with this:

"you have a really good personality, carl!"
"thanks, you should see my dick"

heh. thanks for that carl.

and now i bid everyone in carl's journal land a goodnight.

Maybe Sheep...

Wed, 05 Dec 2001 15:47:35 GMT

WOW... and thats all I going to say..

Take the sheep test at Life & Crimes Of Scott Freeman.
Poll made by scottfreeman.

Cat any one?

Wed, 05 Dec 2001 15:43:04 GMT

WOW... and thats all I going to say..

Take the What Cat Are You? test by webkin!

Venting session

Tue, 04 Dec 2001 16:45:01 GMT

Okay here it goes... I am sick and tired of being that guy that has a wonderful personality. My friends, co-workers, and guys that I date all tell me that I have a wonderful personality. Even Customers that come into to work tell me that I have the best personality. Thats fine and grand and ever thing but I am tired of being the guy that nobody wants to date. "Lets just be friends because you just have a good personality" this is what I usally hear when some guy dosen't want to date me. So what, okay I have a wonderful personality, WHY NOT TRY TO DATE ME???

More okay. I have nightmares, freaky dreams that gives me the willes, and dreams about a guy named Benjiamn James Johnson. Don't know what he looks like, he is just there. A faceless son of a bicth that is to frightened to show his own face in my dreams. I don't know if it means anything at all or what but he is in every one of my dreams. standing beside me. saying nothing. like he is just watching my dreams. GO AWAY!!!

More.. I think I have fallen in love with yet another unabtanable guy.. Tell ME why Do I do this to my self????

I think I am better off alone. That guy with 6 cats lives by himself and scares off all the little children in the area. The guy that everybody is afraid to talk to but all ways going to talk about him.. I think that will be me....

ha

Sat, 17 Nov 2001 03:17:08 GMT

Well today has been good.. there fore this is going to be short... I saw My girl Shiela and watch Tomb Raider. I liked it... Hot in shower.. WOW... I am hot and flustrered just thinking about it... Well to you all a bid you a good night and a good where ever you might be.. *hugs to all*

Good night never, never land..

Tue, 13 Nov 2001 03:49:31 GMT

Boys... so confusing.. I just broke up with Andy about aweek ago now he thinks that we should just be friends.. becasue he meet someone else.. I am not mad.. I am happy for him.. He coming out more and more each day.. thats great.. I hope he is happy... Boys are so confuseing...

Tonight Cass cryed on My shoulder.. I love her so much.. *HUGS*

nightmares

Sun, 11 Nov 2001 20:28:20 GMT

I been having nightmares for the last couple of days... I don't understand i just want them to go away... I had two last night.. One about Crystal and Jessica beating the hell out of me... And the other about Andy doing the same... Having a guy fall in love with you when you don't want it.. really sucks.. Andy is a good guy... I just don't like him the way he likes me.. And right now I just don't want a relationship... Just sex.. Does that make me a whore.. or what? It not like I am a sex craved manic or anything.. I just want a relationship.... Is that so bad????

yeah

Sun, 11 Nov 2001 06:37:05 GMT

I am now on AIM...

My screan name frogbutt123

find me... be on my buddy list.... Love me.... :):)